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    Why Isn’t This a Thing?

     
    POSTED May 5, 2018
     

DOGS THAT HERD PEOPLE

As an event planner, I find I get very frustrated at the registration table when attendees pick up their name tag then stop, turn around and start a tête-à-tête with newcomers. Don’t get me wrong, the point of our industry is to come together and make connections. Just don’t cause a bottleneck at the registration desk. I have a brilliant solution to this problem: sheep-herding dogs trained to herd people away from the registration desk. Have you ever tried to do this yourself? You get a dirty look, are ignored or, worse, made to feel like you are being the rude one instead of them. Them! Those people who stand in front of the desk just chatting away while people are made to reach around them to get their name tag. But if an adorable collie were to tug at your pant leg or head butt you over to a different area, would you be mad? No, you would not. So I ask you: Why isn’t this a thing? —The Cranky Planner

ELECTRIFIED PODIUMS

Have you ever produced a show before? Maybe you ran the speaker timer, or you had to hold up the two-minute warning sign and you find you’ve got a wind bag at the lectern who assumes everyone in the room is enthralled with their imparted wisdom and thinks people won’t mind putting off the lunch break for another 15 minutes. Maybe it’s an award acceptance speaker who’s full of him/herself. Whatever the reason, your passive-aggressive techniques aren’t working and Bobby Bigmouth won’t shut up. What’s the harm in giving speakers a tiny shock from an electrified podium? Just a small one, like the buzz you get from a prank handshake buzzer or when you put your tongue on a 9V battery. Nothing serious, just a little nudge to get them off stage. So I ask you: Why isn’t this a thing? —The Surly Planner

‘SHH!’ MEN

I work on a lot of award shows where people who have filled up on food and drink chat and gab throughout the entire program. Yeah, we know parts are boring. We know some people going up to the podium should be banned from public speaking, but don’t be rude. Leave the room to carry on your fascinating conversation about your mother-in-law’s undiagnosed skin rash. Since people aren’t going to magically be considerate, I’ve got the next best thing! Why not hire some tattooed, burly biker dudes with lots of muscles for your next event? They come complete with one-size-too-small black T-shirts that say “Shh!” on them. They’ll be instructed to walk up to groups of chattering magpies, stand with the group and scowl. They don’t have to say anything, just cross their arms and look intimidating. So I ask you: Why isn’t this a thing? —The Meetings Mischief Maker

What better way to toast the changing of the leaves and arrival of cool fall breezes than with a cozy snifter of Sazerac crafted by the talented Esker Grove bar manager Jon Olson?

Nestled between the Walker Art Center’s contemporary collections and iconic Minneapolis landmarks, Esker Grove has attracted a following of its own. The restaurant was recently named one of the Travel Channel’s 10 best international museum restaurants and has quickly become a favorite local spot to enjoy New American fare and creative cocktails. 

 

The maker’s movement is alive and well in Colorado. Here are a few ways groups can connect with artisans and perhaps try a little handy work of their own. 

» DRAM Apothecary in Salida offers a line of bitters, syrup and tea using organic and wild Colorado herbs. Stop by the apothecary and send attendees home with the fixings for their own creations (cocktails or otherwise).